If you’re looking for a unique Christmas or birthday gift for someone special then your search may be over. If you really love and respect the person and you want them to feel that love and respect, you might want to consider subscribing them to the encouragement calls service.

If you sign someone up for this service, a real live human being calls him or her five days a week and lets them know how awesome they are. Different encouraging messages can be rotated in. The calls are short, but it’s a real live human being speaking supporting words to them. The idea behind the calls is to encourage people who live in a sometimes-discouraging world.

The calling service is only $9.95 a month (US), and makes a nice adjustable priced gift. Meaning, if you only want to give somebody a $10 gift then you can sign him or her up for one month. If you want to give them a $30 gift, then you can sign up for three months and so on.

Our research tells us that the human ego needs to be fed on a daily basis just like the human stomach does. The world can be such a discouraging place and if we are not feeling encouraged and built-up, then it can be very hard for us to encourage others and build others up.

Why not build others up and give the gift of encouragement? Perhaps you will be passing out some good karma and it will come back to you eventually. Either way, your gift recipient will most likely be very appreciative of you setting them up with their own private virtual entourage.

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We also offer a get encouragement screensaver, which allows people to put their favorite pictures on their computer screen, and it also allows people to put their own encouraging text on top of each image (the text scrolls across the screen from right to left).

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It’s light on the pocketbook and sells for only $9.95 (US)

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Worry can suck the energy out of our lives. I’ve heard it said that coward dies 1000 deaths, but a brave person but once.

I remember a time several years ago when my business was especially slow.

I hadn’t had any customers for a couple of months and my savings account was quickly dwindling. I was too proud to borrow money from my parents and I was wondering what was going to happen.

I was feeling so uptight and worried that I developed acid reflux and I could barely eat. I lost about 30 pounds unintentionally.

I read some books about controlling worry and by far my favorite was “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie.

There are a lot of great strategies to deal with worry in this book and I will go over a few.

One thing is to realize that approximately 97% of the things we as human beings worry about never come to pass. So generally it’s a big waste of energy.

You can use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. You can ask yourself: “What are the odds against this thing happening at all?”

You can try this formula:

a.       Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?”

b.      Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst – if necessary.

c.       Then, try to improve upon the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept.

Sometimes we worry about things because we don’t have all the facts necessary to make a proper decision. Be sure to get all the facts.

A great exercise to do if  you’re having trouble making up your mind is to write down on a piece of paper:

a.       What is the problem?

b.      What is the cause of the problem?

c.       What are all the possible solutions?

d.      What is the best solution?

I also find it very helpful to write down the pros and cons regarding an important decision that I’m trying to make.

I take a piece of paper and put “pros” on one side and “cons” on the other.

I then proceed to write down all the important pros and cons that I can think of regarding the decision at hand.

It amazes me how it helps to take things out of  the fog of my abstract thinking and put them on a piece of paper like this. Sometimes it makes the correct choice to make much more obvious.

I remember considering quitting my Toastmasters public speaking group. I was, at the time, stressed out and it is sometimes stressful giving speeches and I was considering quitting Toastmasters.

I wrote down all the pros and cons of being in Toastmasters. By the time I had written them all down and I could see them in black and white, the pros were so much more powerful than the cons it was obvious to me that I should continue with the group.

I did and I have been enjoying it for years.

I also find it comforting to have faith that God has all things under control. That I can trust Him to ultimately work out things for the best.

I like to quote Bible verses to myself in times of stress.

One of my favorites is Romans 8:28.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

I’ve also found it to be very important to have some kind of support system and to not try to go it alone too much.

Otherwise things can start getting too dark and tragic.

I have found joining small groups in my local church to be very good for this.

How about you? What are some of your favorite ways of dealing with worry?

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I’ve heard it said that holding onto bitterness towards another person is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.

One of the side effects of bitterness is that causes us to be miserable. It ruins our mood.

It’s also bad for our health. Its toxic like poison to our system and it may shave years off our lives.

I admit that I wasted way too many years of my life being bitter towards other people; my parents, and people that I perceived to be a bully or a snob.

I got tired of the pattern and pain of unforgiveness in my life and went to a counselor to get some help for it.

One day he told me “Rob, if you forgive, at least you have a chance to be happy, but if you don’t, you’re guaranteed to be miserable and you lose.”

Learning to forgive others regularly is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s one of the most important if we don’t want to get stuck in the misery zone on a regular basis.

I’ve learned that it’s basic human nature to want to blame others (and not even realize we’re doing that) and I believe that’s one of the reasons why it’s so easy for us humans to fall into the trap of unforgiveness.

Another byproduct of unforgiveness interestingly enough, is that we tend to become like the person we resent. The more we fixate on something in our minds, the more we reproduce it and resemble it in our lives.

Holding onto bitterness toward someone actually causes us to remain attached to that person which is probably the last thing that we want.

It also soils our future relationships when we carry around past hurts. It’s like carrying around a suitcase full of dead fish or a backpack full of rancid meat and wondering why the room stinks when we get there.

When we try to get even with others we generally cause more damage to ourselves than the to other person.

Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.

It is not resuming a relationship without changes.

It does not mean we forget the offense and it does not mean that we have to trust them again.

We can forgive even though we haven’t forgotten.

We can forgive even though trust may take a long time to rebuild.

We can still choose to hold no grudges right now even if trust is never rebuilt.

We may want to set boundaries with difficult people (which can be healthy), but unforgiveness is rarely ever healthy.

Hopefully some of the above has convinced you that forgiveness is the better choice over bitterness.

Because what it all boils down to is that forgiveness is a choice. It’s really 100% a choice.  When we forgive, it allows us to heal and enjoy our lives.

Here are some steps that we can take if we want to move in the direction of forgiveness:

1) We can relinquish our right to get even.  We don’t hurt the other person with our resentment, we only hurt ourselves.

2) We can realize that God has forgiven us of so much.

3)  We can realize that we are going to need more forgiveness in the future.

4) We can respond to evil with good.

5)  We can become experts on forgiveness, by reading books, booklets, etc.

One of the best teachings on the subject I have ever read is a chapter on forgiveness in the booklet titled “40 Days Of Love” by Rick Warren (www.saddlebackresources.com).

That’s where I found this prayer. I keep it on my refrigerator, in my wallet, and memorized in my brain. I highly recommend you do the same.

If you are suffering from bitterness I would recommend saying this prayer a couple of times a day for at least a month.

Dear Lord,

I may not forget, but I’m choosing to forgive

_____________________.

I realize trust may take time to rebuild,

But I choose to hold no grudges.

Help me to let go of bitterness or anger in my heart.

Give me your grace that I may relinquish

my “right” to get even.

Help me understand that you have forgiven me

and that I can forgive ________________ through you.

I trust in your power to do that.

Now, Lord I ask you to bless _______________.

In particular,

I ask you to bless them with these things:

_____________________________________.

God,

Please replace my hurt with your healing.

Replace my pain with your peace.

Replace my loss with your love.

May the past truly be past.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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My research tells me that most people are bored and miserable.  You deserve to be happy my friend.

Here’s one of the most powerful methods I have ever discovered for elevating my mood on a daily basis.

It doesn’t involve popping pills, taking drugs, or smoking anything.

The method is to get some exercise and get it as early in the day as possible.

It can be a walk, a jog, a bike ride or other forms of exercise.

(Legal disclaimer: please consult your physician before starting any new exercise routine, as I do not know your specific condition).

I usually walk and I find it’s best to do outside in the fresh air, preferably in a park or some kind of natural setting.  Hopefully you have a park or someplace nice that is only 10 minutes or less from where you are.

Here’s a way for you to gauge if this is something that will really benefit your life:

Take this simple test:  keep a basic chart for one week. For each day, write down the level between 1 and 10 of your mood (1 being miserable and 10 feeling fantastic) before and after exercising.

I think that after monitoring your mood before-and-after exercising for one week you will see the difference in black and white.

I did this for one week and my mood increased by at least one number every day after exercising. It was very clear to me after seeing this on paper and feeling the difference that this was something positive for my life.

It’s something simple and powerful that helps me emotionally, physically and socially (because I’m in a better mood and feel more agreeable with people). I’m hooked!

I generally try to get out earlier rather than later, usually during midmorning. I generally walk for 10 minutes as a warm-up.

Three days a week after the 10 minute warm-up walk I will do about 20 minutes of yoga stretches in the park.  A couple of days a week after the walking I will do some strengthening exercises for about 20 minutes (pushups and others strengthening exercises) in the park.

On the days I exercise I feel more refreshed, upbeat and alive. On the days when I don’t exercise,  I do notice a difference in my mood (I generally don’t feel as positive). On the non-exercise days I feel kind of sluggish, lousy,  and have more sugar cravings and I tend to overeat more.

I like to pray when I walk and after my exercise session is over; it’s when I spend some quality time with God.

I have a friend Greg whose routine is to roll out of bed and put on his running shoes (I think he puts on some shorts too). He then goes for a jog around the neighborhood for approximately 20 minutes before he gets in his morning shower.

He is one of the most upbeat, productive, and positive people I know.

I asked him about it and he said that he too likes to balance cardio with strengthening exercises (he goes to the gym a few days a week).

He said he attributes exercise to helping him have a general overall positive attitude and outlook on life. He also credits having God in his life.

Is getting out and exercising in the morning to simple to actually work? It’s cheap. No membership fees required. All you need to have is a good pair of shoes and a safe park to walk in.

I challenge you to give it a try for a week and chart your mood. I would be interested to hear about your results.

Here’s wishing you good health and a great mood!

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Are you tired of being single and don’t see much of a light at the end of the tunnel? Would you like to get married and are not sure how to attract a quality wife?

I feel your pain. I was in the same position. If I liked a gal, I would basically get nervous around her and be overly nice and have trouble being myself and basically lock up.

Then some guy with some game would come in and sweep her off her feet.

I used to feel like; “The women that like me, I’m not interested in, and the one’s I like aren’t interested in me”.

Well I invested in thousands of dollars worth of dating advice material, spent many hours studying them, made some adjustments and guess what?

This morning, I got engaged to a great gal.

I’m 46 now and I wish I would have learned some of this stuff earlier, but better late then never.  Here are some tips to help you find a good wife:

1. Don’t be too nice. If you grovel at a woman’s feet and treat her like the Queen of England, it probably won’t impress her. Being desperately nice to a woman just gives her the all power in the relationship and women generally don’t want to have all the power in a relationship.
2. Be playful, joke around a little. I’m not saying be mean or be a jerk, but I am saying that women generally like it if you mix things up a little and keep them entertained and guessing a little. Read the book: Comedy Writing Secrets: How to Think Funny, Write Funny, Act Funny and Get Paid For It, by Melvin Helitzer.

   Here’s an example of being a little cocky and playful with a gal; I was in the market with my girlfriend (now finance) a couple of days ago.

   I picked up a dozen roses and put them in our cart and half serious/half joking I said “These are for me, I have to be good to myself”. And she said half joking, “Yes, if you don’t love yourself, who will?”.

   As we were leaving the store I gave her a side hug and handed her the roses saying “I changed my mind, these are for you.” We chuckled as she accepted them and she said “Really, I thought these were for you.”

3. Put some gel in your hair and comb it back. I used to sport a Mr. Spock hair cut, but I changed it as women generally prefer a Michael J. Fox style haircut.
4. Wear a long sleeved shirt. Women generally prefer long sleeved, button down shirts to the short sleeve polo types.And wear clothes that are your size. Don’t walk around like a college kid wearing clothes that are too big for you.
5. Write down the ten things you are looking for in a future spouse. Put an asterisk next to the ones that are “must haves”. I did this and then later it was quite a confirmation when I realized I was dating someone that filled all of my 10 requirements. From there is was like; “Well, how picky am I going to be?”
6. Write down the things you love to do and go out and do some of them on a regular basis. People will be more attracted to you if you are out enjoying life rather then sitting around depressed feeling sorry for yourself.
7. If you want a wife of good character, be a man of good character.  My fiancé and I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage and we are waiting until our wedding night. Behave in ways that you can tell your kids about and that will respect the fact that your future wife is someone’s daughter.
8. Touch a woman some. I’m not talking about sexually. I’m talking about touching the back of her shoulder, her hand, something like that.You can gauge interest by her response and some light touching helps keep you out of the “friends” zone.
9. Use online dating sites. More than one. I met my fiancé online and I admit I’m hoping on our wedding night that she turns out to really be a female as I’ve heard internet dating horror stories. Getting dates from the internet is fairly easy. Have some nice photos taken and post them. It will increase the number of responses you get.
10. Pray.
11. Hang out with married people! We really are like teenagers with respect to the statement “You are who you hang out with”.

    I fought this for a few years and then started spending more time with married people and less with the same circle of single friends. I think this has a lot to do with why I’m finally getting married.

    Who you hang out with really does rub off on you.

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Looking for more encouragement in your life? Wish you could get more pats on the back and people telling you that you are wonderful and they really appreciate you?

Welcome to the club. You are not alone; many people in our society are starving for more positive feedback and encouragement.

One of the best ways to get more encouragement in your life is to be more encouraging.

Why? Because what comes around goes around, we tend to reap what we sow. What we put out on a regular basis tends to come back to us.

You may be blocking encouragement from coming your way without realizing it.

In one of the greatest books of all time (in my opinion), How To Win Friends And Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, the author outlines some simple yet powerful principals that changed my life and can change yours.

Dale explains that most people in our society do you a “big favor” by telling you what you have done wrong and usually withhold compliments.

If you can reverse this trend in your life, be the kind of person that withholds criticism and is generous with compliments, you will stand out from the crowd and find people much more delighted to see you.

You will see people light up like a brush fire when you come around.

Dale recommends only giving sincere praise, not compliments you make up or do not really believe.

Compliments that are not sincere are called flattery and they can backfire on you.

After reading this book I tried to bite my tongue more when I felt like making a sarcastic “joke” at someone else’s expense. I tried to cut back on criticism, and be more generous with compliments.

When I would notice something I admired about someone else, instead of keeping it to myself (like I used to), I would tell them.

People started asking me to be best man and groomsman at their weddings. This had never happened to me before (in 40 years of living).

I was able to attract friendships with a nicer group of people who were less critical and more encouraging.

In order to be a more skilled, more encouraging conversationalist Dale teaches that you don’t need to get a new personality or suddenly become gregarious or funny.

To be a good conversationalist Carnegie recommends being a good listener. People’s favorite subject is “themselves” (I learned this to be true in marketing) and if you ask them questions about themselves, they will be talking about their favorite subject.

Dale recommends asking them about themselves and then listening actively, with your eyes, your body, and your face.

He says if you want to be a great conversationalist, ask people questions about things they are passionate about. Then they will really light up.

Mr. Carnegie goes on to share many more useful truths in his book, but that all we have time for in this post.

If I was president, this book would be taught in the public schools. I keep copies in the car of my trunk to give away to people I see struggling for better relationships.

One person I gave one to later said, “thank you, you changed my life”.

I’m not coming from a place of thinking I’ve got it all together. Actually, I was a computer science major in college (we’re not generally known for our people skills) and when it comes to getting along with people, I need all the help I can get.

That’s why I’m thankful for great resources like this book.

How about you? Can you recommend any great resources for making your relationships and life more encouraging?

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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says, “Does this taste funny to you?”.

Laughter releases tension, releases endorphins in our system, makes us smile, gives us a burst of euphoria and it usually doesn’t cost much.

Laughter is good for our minds and bodies and humor is useful for lots of activities like conversations, speeches, writing, and dating.

But, how do we make it happen on purpose and on a more regular basis so that it’s not just an occasional accident?

Here are 9 ways to increase the humor level in your life:

1. Go out and be around funny people. According to the book: Laughter: A Scientific Investigation by Robert R. Provine, we are 30 times more likely to laugh when we are around other people then when we are alone.

   Laughing is contagious. When we hear others laugh, we generally start laughing (that’s why TV shows use laugh tracks).

2. Post a picture of yourself laughing (or others who make you laugh) where you can see it everyday. It may make you smile and get you in a humorous state of mind.
3. Buy comedy books from ebay or half.com. Once I read a great humorous book and was bummed when it was over because I enjoyed it so much and I didn’t have another funny book to read.

   After that I started stockpiling humorous books. Most of them are used and from the Internet (half.com, ebay.com)  in “like new” condition. Many only cost $3 or $4.

   Any books by Bill Cosby are great.

   I also really enjoyed Michael Ian Black’s “My Custom Van”. I was reading it in a restaurant once and I was laughing so hard that I think people thought I was crying.

4. Scan the newspaper comics for your favorites and buy them by the book online or have them automatically delivered to your email box everyday (it’s free at sites like gocomics.com).
5. Get a copy of the book Comedy Writing Secrets: How to Think Funny, Write Funny, Act Funny and Get Paid For It, by Melvin Helitzer. 

   It’s full of all kinds of tips on how to do humor well.

6. Turn off the news and turn on a comedy.
7. Keep a joke file. I learned this from a humorous speaking manual at my toastmasters public speaking group.

   Now when I think of something funny or hear a funny joke (that makes me laugh out loud and is reasonably clean), I go to my computer and put it a Word document titled “Jokes”.

   I also carry a little notebook with me when I’m out so that I can jot down a funny joke if one comes my way. That way I can put it into my joke file later.

   Before I go to my toastmasters group, I quickly scan my joke file and usually I’m able to tell a new joke at the meeting. It almost always gets a laugh.

   Jerry Seinfeld said, making a group of people laugh is “powerful and addicting”. I have to agree.

   Once you learn to get laughs from people, it’s hard to stop.

   Most humor is borrowed, so don’t feel like you have to constantly make up your own jokes.

   You can take the jokes you hear and personalize them by replacing some of the details with things from your own life.

8. Use self-deprecation instead of insults.

   If you want to joke around with people be careful not to make jokes at other people’s expense. This can cause you to come across as mean.

   What works better is to sometimes poke a little fun at yourself.

   Making a joke about yourself tends to make you come across as humble, personable, and likeable.

   I’ve tried this a number of times at toastmasters and found it works really well.

9. Use pauses correctly.

   When telling a joke, pause before telling the punch line. This helps build some anticipation and tension that is released later when people laugh.

   Also pause after you deliver the punch line. This gives people some room to laugh.

   Talking right after you tell a joke when people are trying to laugh is called “stepping on the laugh”.

How about you, what are some ways you have found to get more humor in your life?