Looking for more encouragement in your life? Wish you could get more pats on the back and people telling you that you are wonderful and they really appreciate you?

Welcome to the club. You are not alone; many people in our society are starving for more positive feedback and encouragement.

One of the best ways to get more encouragement in your life is to be more encouraging.

Why? Because what comes around goes around, we tend to reap what we sow. What we put out on a regular basis tends to come back to us.

You may be blocking encouragement from coming your way without realizing it.

In one of the greatest books of all time (in my opinion), How To Win Friends And Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, the author outlines some simple yet powerful principals that changed my life and can change yours.

Dale explains that most people in our society do you a “big favor” by telling you what you have done wrong and usually withhold compliments.

If you can reverse this trend in your life, be the kind of person that withholds criticism and is generous with compliments, you will stand out from the crowd and find people much more delighted to see you.

You will see people light up like a brush fire when you come around.

Dale recommends only giving sincere praise, not compliments you make up or do not really believe.

Compliments that are not sincere are called flattery and they can backfire on you.

After reading this book I tried to bite my tongue more when I felt like making a sarcastic “joke” at someone else’s expense. I tried to cut back on criticism, and be more generous with compliments.

When I would notice something I admired about someone else, instead of keeping it to myself (like I used to), I would tell them.

People started asking me to be best man and groomsman at their weddings. This had never happened to me before (in 40 years of living).

I was able to attract friendships with a nicer group of people who were less critical and more encouraging.

In order to be a more skilled, more encouraging conversationalist Dale teaches that you don’t need to get a new personality or suddenly become gregarious or funny.

To be a good conversationalist Carnegie recommends being a good listener. People’s favorite subject is “themselves” (I learned this to be true in marketing) and if you ask them questions about themselves, they will be talking about their favorite subject.

Dale recommends asking them about themselves and then listening actively, with your eyes, your body, and your face.

He says if you want to be a great conversationalist, ask people questions about things they are passionate about. Then they will really light up.

Mr. Carnegie goes on to share many more useful truths in his book, but that all we have time for in this post.

If I was president, this book would be taught in the public schools. I keep copies in the car of my trunk to give away to people I see struggling for better relationships.

One person I gave one to later said, “thank you, you changed my life”.

I’m not coming from a place of thinking I’ve got it all together. Actually, I was a computer science major in college (we’re not generally known for our people skills) and when it comes to getting along with people, I need all the help I can get.

That’s why I’m thankful for great resources like this book.

How about you? Can you recommend any great resources for making your relationships and life more encouraging?

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